The deepest part of the ocean, dark blue and terrifying.
The sound of fingernails on a chalk board.
Anxious smells of something dead.
The feel of needles stabbing you in the stomach.
The taste of milk that’s gone off. A small cramped pitch black room with nothing but darkness.
By Zoe
Helo Zoe I like your work. IT is very dark and sad but everything is still go. From Danielle
ReplyDeleteKia Ora Zoe
ReplyDeleteYour poem could easily give someone the chills. Next time you could make the font smaller. My favourite part of the poem was the second line “The sound of fingernails on a chalkboard.” I'm pretty sure I like that part the most as I can feel the annoying horrible scratchy sound. Over all this was a really good poem, keep writing like this!
If you want to look at my work/blog here is my link: https://karorolilys.blogspot.com/
From Lily
Nga Mihi Zoe
ReplyDeleteI am Billie here, from Karoro School. I really like your poem! When you said fingernails on a chalkboard it made me cringe 😮.
I really liked it when you said anxiousness is the deepest part of the ocean because it reminds me of almost being scared and when I'm scared I get a feeling as if my stomach has dropped.
Next time I think you should replace the word ‘the’ with anxious or anxiousness because it helps the reader understand what ‘the’ is . Example: Anxiousness is the deepest part of the ocean; dark blue and terrifying.
Happy blogging!
Kia Ora Zoe,
ReplyDeleteIt's Summer from Karoro School. I really enjoyed reading your blog posts. Today we have been writing parody poems.
Your poem made me feel as if I was in your poem.
The line you said about fingernails made me feel disgusted.
Next time you could put the next sentence on a new line.
If you would like to have a look on my blog it is https://karorosummerf.blogspot.com/
From Summer
Hello my name is Wairini and I’m from Karoro School. Your poem reminds me of the poem I wrote about the sea. If you want to look at my poem here is the link to my blog https://karorowairinii.blogspot.com/. I really enjoyed reading your piece of writing and I really like how you used descriptive words in your writing as well. Maybe next time you could use more complex words and sentences.
ReplyDeleteKa pai!
Hi my name is James and I am from Karoro School. I really enjoyed reading your piece of writing about being anxious. I really liked how you have used a lot of good words like terrifying and fingernails. Today we had to write a parody poem about a time when we were naughty. You can see it on my blog. http://karorojamesr.blogspot.com/
ReplyDelete